Apu

Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.

Homer: No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz.
Apu: Mr. Simpson, pay for your purchases and get out...and come again.

Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He's got me there.

Apu: Thank you for coming. I'll see you in Hell.

Apu: By the 7 arms of Visnu, I swear it. I am not a Hindu.

Apu: Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I work, I work.

Apu: I won't lie to you. On this job, you will be shot at.

Apu: Look at that outrageous markup! You magnificent bastard, I salute you!

Apu: Tonight I’m going to party like it’s on sale for $19.99!

Apu: Ooh, they used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth against my skin. Almost sensuous.

Apu: Homer, you are asleep at your post! Now go change the expiration dates on the dairy products!

Apu: All Kwik-E-Mart employees must be skilled in the deadly arts.

Apu: Thank you for knocking over my inventory. Please come again.

Apu: Shiva H. Vishnu!

Apu: Back then I was known as the fifth Beatle.

Apu: Mrs. Simpson, I--I cannot go there. That is the scene of my spiritual depantsing.