Monday, October 20, 2008

Robin Hood

The President visited an elementary school one fine day
To read what he thought would be a nice little book
About being a Compassionate Conservative
When he realized, after ten or eleven pages, that he was reading
The story of Robin Hood.

He put the book down and stood from his chair
Saying woe to the man who would tell such a tale
And he told the children what a villain Robin Hood was
And how he was no hero
Like all the terrorists said.

© 2005(continued in 'comments')

1 comment:

Woolf Joyce said...

Robin Hood robbed people who worked hard
Then gave their money to all the lazies
Who were always begging for handouts
And who laid around and did nothing for themselves
And never picked themselves up by their own bootstraps.

Why, if Robin Hood were alive today, the President said
He would promptly bomb whatever country he happened to live in.

Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor
Sounded a lot like what all those liberals were always tryin to do;
It reminded him of FDR and all his programs
That practically destroyed this great land of ours
And set us back a hundred years.

A guy like Robin Hood hated freedom and loved welfare,
And if he had his chance he’d make minorities lazier than they already were
And he’d give them immigrants even more of a free ride
So they could eat burritos all day and night
And never lift a goddamn finger.

A guy like Robin Hood would oppose the President’s plan
To invest Social Security in the stock market
Where it would be nice and safe
And all the patriots on Wall Street
Could watch over them and make a buck or two
While they were at it.

Robin Hood could never appreciate the hard work Wall Street folks do all the time
And how they lived the American dream
By making heaps of money every time you turned around
Because that’s what the dream is about
When you got down to it.

Most of all the President thought Robin Hood was a true evildoer
Who would undermine his plan
To build his Every Man for Himself Society
And the President said woe to the man who gets in its way.

It was right and good for us to build a society, he said
Where we invested only in ourselves
And the only existing form of welfare was the corporate kind
Especially since corporations were so cold and hungry all the time
Just like little orphans.

The students tried hard to understand the point
But because the Liberal Media had so deranged their brains
And for so long told them how great Robin Hood was
They grew up thinking Robin Hood was really cool
And could go on any reality tv show
And win all the money
Just like a real hero would.

Seeing the children’s confusion
And feeling a measure of sympathy for them
The President said not to worry because he had their best interests in mind
And although it was a new age and a new century and all that
He was going to help us return to the principles of the Middle Ages
Upon which this great country was founded.

He then knelt down so he could talk eye-to-eye with the children
And see into their souls
And he told them if they really wanted good fairy tales
They should hear the ones the Vice President told him before he went to bed.

The Vice President’s stories were always real excitin
And always some evildoer moved in and out of them
Always buckin for a war of some type.

The Vice President’s stories contained profound wisdoms
That taught the President that every individual
Should fight for our own little scrap of this or that
Even if it meant everyone fought with each other
And all kinds of social malaise sprouted up as a result.

After all, this was how life worked
At least until God came back
To save us from all the fightin
And social malaise we caused.

The children found some hope in this
And they all kind of clapped a little
And none of them asked to use the toilet or anything else
Because they wanted to hear more about
How their democracy worked.