Monday, October 6, 2008

in honor of our outgoing leader: One: The Dream

The President woke from a dream one fine evening
And lurched up in bed
And called and called
And kicked the sheets
Until the Vice President appeared in his slippers and nightcap
And asked what the hell was going on.

The President said a dream broke his sleep
And that he needed another vacation now
Because he was so tired.

Then he rubbed his eyes and remembered the dream and he felt hopeful
Because in it he spoke to Jesus
And went here and there with him
While Jesus explained a great many things.

© 2005(continued in 'comments')

1 comment:

Woolf Joyce said...

Right away the Vice President scraped a chair over
And said to tell it right away
And to not skip a detail
Or else he’d slap his face all over.

So the President got on with it quick
Saying how he wandered side-by-side with Jesus through the Rose Garden
And how Jesus spoke at length
On the meaning of leadership.

Jesus congratulated the President on all the wonderful things he’d done
And encouraged him to keep it up
And to keep on pushing his coarse ideology
With advanced campaigns of disinformation.

Jesus also encouraged him to keep dropping bombs wherever he wanted
Because that pleased God a hell of a lot
Especially since God commanded to kill thine enemies
Whenever one had the chance.

The Vice President liked the sound of this so much he nearly squealed
And got up to sing the song John Ashcroft wrote about eagles soaring
But the President interrupted, asking for a glass of milk
Because his mouth was so dry.

This brought the Vice President out of his ecstasy
And he yanked the President’s ear and slapped his mouth
And hollered for the President to lay it all out and to make it good
As if were a literary genius like that Tom Clancy.

So the President got a good wind going and did his best
Saying how proud Jesus was that they shipped all those Arabs to Cuba
Where ethics or the Geneva Convention
Couldn’t reach out and get them.

Jesus liked the way the President dismissed every international treaty that hit his desk
Even if they would’ve made the world safer
By reducing arms or bombs or landmines.

Then Jesus dropped into a whisper, saying he had to admit
He liked Americans more than other peoples
Even though he was supposed to like everyone equally
And he hoped no one heard him say that.

He liked us so much
He wanted the President to do whatever he wanted
And not give a damn about setting dangerous precedents
Because only a big gay liberal would think like that.

Jesus was especially impressed with the way we’re willing to wage war on tyrants
Who have oil in Iraq and Iran
And then turn right around and install maniacs in places like Haiti
Where they have nothing but murder and fear and famine.

But all this talk of oil got Jesus thinking
And he took the President’s hand
And in the next moment they stood on a vast Alaskan plain.

There he told the President to make sure he drilled for all the oil he could get his mitts on
And not worry about the plant or wildlife there
Because God had commanded man to lay nature to waste
Whenever he had the chance
Especially since that’s what it’s there for
For crying out loud.

Jesus told the President to remain firm and resolute
Even when he was dead wrong half the time
Because he never needed anyone’s permission to do a thing
Like the Security Council’s permission to act
Or Congress’s permission to declare war
Or the Senate’s permission to appoint judges.

Then Jesus spread his arms wide
And looked out over the land
And said, above all, continue to serve the rich
With all of your heart & all of your mind & all of your soul
For whosoever shall be first on earth shall be first in heaven
And as for the meek and those who seek justice and mercy
Well, screw em
Because they’re just a bunch of babies.

Jesus reminded the President that he made some people rich for a good reason
(Because they flat-out deserved it)
And he made so many other people poor
Because they were so goddamn lazy.

Jesus turned then and moused up the President’s hair and began ascending into the sky
But twenty or thirty feet up, he stopped and peered down
Telling the President not to forget that bit about serving the rich
With all of his heart, soul & mind
And the President assured him he would not.

Jesus said, Well okay then
And he gave a thumbs-up signal
Bringing the comforting dream
To a nice end.

Upon hearing this Good News
The Vice President felt great and unwieldy elation
Especially since the President’s interpretation of Christianity
Had just affirmed everything he stood for.

Still thirsty, the President asked if he could have his milk now
But the Vice President, erect and glittering bright,
Stood and began singing that very fine anthem
Written by our former Attorney General.