Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
Moe: Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'
Ned Flanders: You ugly hate-filled man.
Moe: Hey. I may be ugly and I may be hate-filled but ... uh ... what was that last thing you said?
Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
Joey runs out of the bar sobbing
Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!
Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Moe: They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.
Renee (Moe’s girlfriend): Really, you think I’m gorgeous?
Moe: Yeah, well the parts that are showing. I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.
Renee: You don’t talk to a lot of women do you?
Moe: Homer, lighten up! You're making Happy Hour bitterly ironic
Moe: People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.